Becoming Your Own Soulmate

Recently, the queen of self-love and empowerment was brought into my universe. Lizzo. Her music is such a serotonin boost. I have actually "prescribed" her music to a few clients.

But this song stands out to me for so many reasons.

We are constantly seeking our "soulmate."

And as a society we often define that as one person outside of ourselves. Often it's seen as a romantic partner.

For YEARS I struggled with this myself. I so badly wanted to find my "soulmate." I did the whole online dating thing for what felt like forever. I thought someone else would fill the empty void for me. Another person would heal me. Or so I thought.

During that time of trying to learn about others and navigate the dating world, I also learned a lot about myself.

I learned that....

• I don't want to settle.
• I like feeling independent. 
• I deserve to be respected.
• I don't like being told what I can and cannot do. 
• I enjoy doing things on my own. 
• I am really fun to hang out with. 
• I have a lot of interests. 
• I don't need to compromise myself and my values for someone else. 

I became my own soulmate in the process of thinking I was trying to find one.

I found her. She was right here the whole time.

And she's fucking awesome! And fun as hell!

I did all of this through, yes, dating, but also through...

• Meeting new people.
• Going to concerts alone.
• Taking myself out to dinner and a movie.
• Enrolling in art classes.
• Joining a singles activity group.
• Moving to a new state.
• Traveling alone - even out of the country! 

All of these things have been so empowering and liberating, no matter how big or small. I learned so much about myself by doing each of these things. I am a super strong, resilient, and powerful woman who has overcome so much.

If I can do it, so can YOU!

It's okay to love yourself first. It's okay to be you. It's okay to be different.

Diversity is what makes the world unique. If we were all the same with the same interests and beliefs, life would be really boring.

In the therapy world, a big analogy we often like to use is the "airplane oxygen mask theory." You have to put the mask on yourself first before you help anyone else. How can you help someone else if you can't breathe?

Same with self-love, finding confidence, and building self-esteem.

You have to take care of you first. You have to know yourself and what makes you...YOU!

That is what will help you find TRUE happiness and satisfaction in all areas of your life. You will know what you do and do not like. You will learn to take (calculated) risks and be adventurous. You will truly begin to see how strong you really are as a person.

And slowly, because, yes, this takes time and doesn't happen overnight, you will start to become your own soulmate.

This doesn't mean you never have another bad day or never feel down on yourself. It's a real relationship. And just like any other relationship, there will be good and bad times.

You will learn your own healthy boundaries and what feels best for your life, not for someone else.

Others may judge you for it. But it's knowing that you are doing what is safe, healthy, positive, and effective for YOU!

What is one small thing you can start to do today to become your own soulmate?

Share in the comments below. Your idea might connect with someone else who is struggling with getting started.