*This is not meant to treat or diagnose any physical or mental health conditions. Please consult your doctor or mental health practitioner for additional assistance. If you are feeling suicidal please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) in the US or visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org for additional information*
Mindset is defined as typical or habitual ways that we think about life. This is composed of your opinions, attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, and life experiences. They predetermine our interpretations and responses to events and situations in life.
The positive mindset you adopt in life will add to your success, happiness, health, abundance, wealth, and resilience. But it’s not that easy. We do not consciously choose our mindset. It just does it’s thing automatically. We typically just go along with it until something breaks or malfunctions.
A negative mindset can be detrimental to your mental and physical health. It can cause an increase in anxiety, fear, failure, stress and illness. We get stuck, feel like we cannot make progress towards our goals, and often give up.
This is where shift happens.
It takes work. It’s even reaching out and asking for help.
Here’s the thing: you can always change your mindset, no matter where you are in life.
But let’s be brutally honest here, this is not easy and takes lots of work, support, and constant reframing. And once you think you have it figured out, you will have to shift again. It is a process. But as with any life skills, with practice it gets easier.
Let’s take a look at three of the most common mindset struggles and how we can implement some “mindset hacks” with awareness to shift into a more positive frame of mind.
Blaming: This is where you find fault and judge others. You don’t want to own up to your mistakes. Instead, you put the focus on others. You go into attack mode to feel more in control. You might think “It’s all their fault. They should have done this or that. I am the victim here.” It brings up a lot of anger and frustration.
Mindset Hack #1: Try to find a mindset of compassion and empathy. Look at the situation from all perspectives. Notice where you might be at fault and own up to your part of the problem. We are all human and we all make mistakes.
How I do this: Being an adult is hard. You think you won’t have conflicts with friends, family, or others around you. But it happens. Emotions get involved. I have been there. It felt easier to blame others. But inevitably I had to own my shit. I had to humble myself and admit I had said or done something wrong that hurt someone else. It was hard. And admitting it outloud was even more of a struggle. Doing so caused me to have a stronger relationship with myself and within relationships around me. When I was able to say “You know what, I messed up, and I am sorry,” my friends, family, and acquaintances respected me more. It was a huge mindset and life shift. It’s ongoing and isn’t always perfect or well received. But I keep trying and that’s what matters most.
Comparison: This mindset is a big one in the age of social media. Social relationships are vitally important to humans. You compare yourself to others because you feel you need to know how you are doing. You believe that if you don’t measure up, you will be excluded. Your mind wants to tell you that you are different and not as good as your peers. You either compare yourself too negatively or too favorably causing your perception to be inaccurate. You might have the thought “I should have accomplished more by now. Everyone seems to have it all together.” This can bring up feelings of insecurity.
Mindset Hack #2: Try to develop a mindset of appreciation of what you do have. Bring the focus back to you. Work to learn from and connect with others around you instead of feeling like you are in competition with them.
How I do this: I have to set hard and firm boundaries around myself for this. I constantly compare myself to others around me in real life and on social media. “I am almost 40. Others are married with kids and beautiful custom homes. I don’t feel like I will ever have that.” Yes. Those are real thoughts that come to my head on a frequent basis. In those moments, I have to remind myself that I am a badass female business owner with a partner who loves and supports me in all my wild endeavors. I have friends and family who cheer me on and allow me to vent my frustrations. I may not have it all but I do have a lot to be grateful for in life.
Perfectionism: This is another one that comes up for many people, myself and my clients included. It’s good to push yourself and have high standards. When you use it to measure your self-worth and self-esteem, that is where it becomes a problem. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You might think “I should have this figured out. Why is this taking so long?” This can bring up feelings of self-doubt and putting off making progress towards your goal because you think you aren’t “good enough.”
Mindset Hack #3: Try to develop a mindset of keeping your expectations realistic. If you feel your expectations are holding you back, you could be pushing too hard. Step back and set a smaller goal. You can still connect it to your bigger, long-term goal. It’s progress over perfection. Imperfect action is better than no action at all.
How I do this: I revisit my personal and professional goals on a frequent basis. I am a hard-worker and high achiever. I experience self-doubt very frequently. Even writing this post, I have thoughts of “This is too basic and generic. No one will care. Why should I even post this?” Then I remember how this connects back to my values of authenticity and persistence. Those values then connect back to my goals of helping others achieve their highest goals. That makes me push further and know I can do it. Even if it isn’t the most perfect performance. I am doing something.
Reading this, you might be thinking “Duh! Like I haven’t thought of these things. It isn’t this simple! I have so much to overcome and it feels overwhelming. I don’t even know where to start!” And you’re absolutely right! It’s not easy. This is definitely not a “cure all.” It’s a struggle and something you have to work on every day. I struggle with all of these in my own life. I may be the “president” for mindset management tools but I am also a lifetime client.
I can do it. And so can you.
I am here to be your personal cheerleader and hype woman.
What mindset struggles are you facing?
Message me on instagram @bepositivecoaching. I answer all of my messages personally. Let’s discuss your struggles, your goals, and see if we can find a solution.